In the past several years, whenever someone
has begun writing to me, they have more often than not asked whether or
not they were allowed to send me anything: care packages, money, books,
etc. Well, allow me to enlighten you! :)
There are, in fact, a
number of things that you can do if you want to brighten my day. The
most obvious is a donation of money. You cannot send cash, checks, or
money orders. The only way to send money to me is to go to www.JPay.com and wire funds electronically. On JPay you will see two
options: Inmate Trust Fund, and Inmate Media Fund.
The Inmate Trust Fund is my Commissary account. I can use money
wired here to purchase food, hygiene, stationary, and personal clothing
items (shoes, t-shirts, boxers, socks, sweats, thermals, etc.).
The Inmate Media Fund is strictly for my JP4 Media Player. The
JP4 is a 5" touchscreen mini-tablet through which I can play music and
type emails. Monies wired into my Media Fund are used for two things
only: purchasing music and purchasing the electronic stamps that I need
in order to send emails. I can purchase 40 e-stamps for $9.99. The music
ranges in cost, but a typical album is $15.97.
There is
supposed to be a JP5 becoming available in the next year or so, which is
an upgraded device with a bigger screen and more memory. I have no idea
when precisely it will become available, but when it does, my
understanding is that I will then have access to purchasing e-books and
movies for it as well (You can find out more by going to JPay.com).
You
can order subscriptions to magazines and comic books and have them sent
to me. You are also allowed to order back issues for me. In general,
I'm a geek--I Love RPG 'zines (like Dragon and its sister publication Dungeon), gaming magazines, and just about anything put out by Marvel.
You
can also order books for me. I Love Manga and graphic novels! But if
you order, be sure to buy used so as to save yourself money.
When
ordering books, or Manga or magazines *whatever* you order
will be perfect. If you are the kind of person that enjoys my Blogs, I'm
certain our tastes are the same--what you like, I'll like. :)
No matter what, *THANK YOU!!!!*
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Blog #12: Prison Mail Rules
As I'm sure any of you familiar with my
situation can appreciate, there are a number of rules imposed by my
prison facility regarding what can and cannot be sent to me via the
mail. Not all of it makes sense, and many of them strike me as arbitrary
beauracratic buffoonery imposed for no other reason than it amuses the
screws to do so. But, since they are both Gatekeepers and Keyholders,
and they are empowered to complicate my life if the whim so happens to
occur to them, I've decided to be all kinds of helpful to all of you
super-cool-awesome people by posting these, what I refer to as
BASS-AKWARD PRISON RULES BY BASS-AKWARD NUMBSKULLS! ;)
1) You can send me as much mail as you'd like (and I *promise* I won't complain either! ;)). However, any envelopes I receive must weigh no more than 1 ounce. That's the weight a single First Class stamp will carry. If you want to send longer letters (which would make you a singularly awesome kind of mega-cool person if you did), you just have to split your sendings into multiple one ounce envelopes (to be extra-specially helpful, an ounce is typically 10 sheets of notebook paper, or 5 sheets of typing paper. A 4X6 photo is about the weight of 2 sheets of notebook paper or 1 sheet of typing paper). If you do send multiple envelopes at once, please number them so that I know that I've received everything (for example, #1/3, #2/3, #3/3, etc.).
2) Likewise, there is no limit to how many photos you can send me. However, you can only send a maximum of 5 photos per envelope. In other words, you could conceivably send me 20 envelopes, each containing 5 photos apiece, and I'll be allowed to receive them all, but the Mailroom personnel will have a freakin' coronary if you dare send a single envelope with 6 photos in it! Heh heh heh...
You do have the option of printing photos on paper if you'd like. There is no limit to the number of pictures you print on each piece of paper, so long as you don't violate the one ounce rule described in #1 above. In addition, please take note of the following (stupid!) restrictions:
a. Nude and/or semi-nude photos, as well as photos of you in lingerie or swimwear, are not allowed (although I'm flattered that you'd want me to see them! >;)).
b. You cannot send pictures of drugs of any kind (apparently, the screws are concerned that I'd catch a contact high from the pictures. Either that, or they're more convinced of my prowess with sympathetic magick than they're admitting to!).
c. No gang symbols (so, to all my gangzta thugz, chill on throwin' up the set, yo!)
d. No pictures of prison facilities (including blueprints and underground getaway routes!)
3) If you wish to make donations, you cannot send cash, checks, money orders, or postage stamps. You can wire money to my Inmate Trust Account via JPay.com, but also be sure to check out Blog #13: Donations and Other Kinds of Awesomeness for more information.
4) For those of you communicating with me through emails, there is no limit to their length, or on the number of photos that you send to me. However, the content prohibitions listed in #2 still apply.
5) Finally, and most importantly, if you are looking for a friend, you've got one. How you define "friend" is up to you, but generally speaking, I avoid placing limitations or constraints on my interactions with the peope in my life. No matter what, you will receive from me abject, unadulterated honesty, and I'm not a monster. If you simply must find a label for me, "friend " has a pretty nice ring to it, don't you think?
Hoping to hear from you soon!
Laughing at the Moon, I remain,
The Kyle!!!
1) You can send me as much mail as you'd like (and I *promise* I won't complain either! ;)). However, any envelopes I receive must weigh no more than 1 ounce. That's the weight a single First Class stamp will carry. If you want to send longer letters (which would make you a singularly awesome kind of mega-cool person if you did), you just have to split your sendings into multiple one ounce envelopes (to be extra-specially helpful, an ounce is typically 10 sheets of notebook paper, or 5 sheets of typing paper. A 4X6 photo is about the weight of 2 sheets of notebook paper or 1 sheet of typing paper). If you do send multiple envelopes at once, please number them so that I know that I've received everything (for example, #1/3, #2/3, #3/3, etc.).
2) Likewise, there is no limit to how many photos you can send me. However, you can only send a maximum of 5 photos per envelope. In other words, you could conceivably send me 20 envelopes, each containing 5 photos apiece, and I'll be allowed to receive them all, but the Mailroom personnel will have a freakin' coronary if you dare send a single envelope with 6 photos in it! Heh heh heh...
You do have the option of printing photos on paper if you'd like. There is no limit to the number of pictures you print on each piece of paper, so long as you don't violate the one ounce rule described in #1 above. In addition, please take note of the following (stupid!) restrictions:
a. Nude and/or semi-nude photos, as well as photos of you in lingerie or swimwear, are not allowed (although I'm flattered that you'd want me to see them! >;)).
b. You cannot send pictures of drugs of any kind (apparently, the screws are concerned that I'd catch a contact high from the pictures. Either that, or they're more convinced of my prowess with sympathetic magick than they're admitting to!).
c. No gang symbols (so, to all my gangzta thugz, chill on throwin' up the set, yo!)
d. No pictures of prison facilities (including blueprints and underground getaway routes!)
3) If you wish to make donations, you cannot send cash, checks, money orders, or postage stamps. You can wire money to my Inmate Trust Account via JPay.com, but also be sure to check out Blog #13: Donations and Other Kinds of Awesomeness for more information.
4) For those of you communicating with me through emails, there is no limit to their length, or on the number of photos that you send to me. However, the content prohibitions listed in #2 still apply.
5) Finally, and most importantly, if you are looking for a friend, you've got one. How you define "friend" is up to you, but generally speaking, I avoid placing limitations or constraints on my interactions with the peope in my life. No matter what, you will receive from me abject, unadulterated honesty, and I'm not a monster. If you simply must find a label for me, "friend " has a pretty nice ring to it, don't you think?
Hoping to hear from you soon!
Laughing at the Moon, I remain,
The Kyle!!!
Blog #11: I'VE GOT EMAIL!!!!!
Hey there, all you awesomely kick-ass
people-type individualities!!! Guess what? After nearly 14 years of
incarceration, I've *finally* gotten access to emails!!! Clearly the
Multiverse is smiling on everyone's favourite Mad Cheshire. :)
So, now that it has just become, like, a giga-jazillion times easier to communicate with Yours Truly, here's what'cha gotta do if you want to swap electronical eccentricties with me (or, you know, just write to say "HI!" ;)):
1) Go to JPay.com
2) Using my name and DOC ID#, add yourself to my JPay Contact List (Kyle Hulbert #1165519, in case a walker ate your brain and made you forget! ;))
3) Send me an email and introduce yourself!
To be clear, it is up to *you* to add yourself to my Contact List; I do not have direct access to the Internet, and I can only email those of you who add yourselves to my Contact List.
You can send photos as well, if you'd like. This is something that I would strongly encourage you to do so that I can put a face to the name of whoever it is that is writing to me. But don't feel constrained to just sending photos of yourself: I want to see your world! Show it to me--I promise you'll find me a highly apprecative audience. And if you live in a foreign country, all the better! I can't exactly travel, but I've always wanted to see the world (yes, I'm talking to you Haley and Kelly in Canada, and Vila in Europe!!! :D).
The whole point of this site has always been to reach out to the world, to find people that would like to be a part of my life and--more importantly by far--who would also allow me to be a part of theirs, and to spread The Strangeness to every nook and cranny across the Blogosphere! Now it's easier than ever to make contact, and the only thing stopping you is that you're reading this!
It's time to get The Strangeness, and if you need any more incentive to join me in my mad revelry, I've got you covered:
Come to The Kyle's Side--we've got cookies!!!
I am The Kyle and I approved this message!
So, now that it has just become, like, a giga-jazillion times easier to communicate with Yours Truly, here's what'cha gotta do if you want to swap electronical eccentricties with me (or, you know, just write to say "HI!" ;)):
1) Go to JPay.com
2) Using my name and DOC ID#, add yourself to my JPay Contact List (Kyle Hulbert #1165519, in case a walker ate your brain and made you forget! ;))
3) Send me an email and introduce yourself!
To be clear, it is up to *you* to add yourself to my Contact List; I do not have direct access to the Internet, and I can only email those of you who add yourselves to my Contact List.
You can send photos as well, if you'd like. This is something that I would strongly encourage you to do so that I can put a face to the name of whoever it is that is writing to me. But don't feel constrained to just sending photos of yourself: I want to see your world! Show it to me--I promise you'll find me a highly apprecative audience. And if you live in a foreign country, all the better! I can't exactly travel, but I've always wanted to see the world (yes, I'm talking to you Haley and Kelly in Canada, and Vila in Europe!!! :D).
The whole point of this site has always been to reach out to the world, to find people that would like to be a part of my life and--more importantly by far--who would also allow me to be a part of theirs, and to spread The Strangeness to every nook and cranny across the Blogosphere! Now it's easier than ever to make contact, and the only thing stopping you is that you're reading this!
It's time to get The Strangeness, and if you need any more incentive to join me in my mad revelry, I've got you covered:
Come to The Kyle's Side--we've got cookies!!!
I am The Kyle and I approved this message!
Blog #10: TOWEL DAY!!!
Hey, cats and kittens and truly hoopy froods! Today is 25th May--it's
Towel Day!!! Yes, that's right, it's *Towel Day!* So, all you truly hoopy froods had better know where your towel is at! :)
For those of you that aren't in the know, Towel Day is a celebration of Douglas Adams' super-cool-awesome series "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", that indispensible volume that will tell every hitchhiker how to see all the wonders of the Universe for only 30 Alterian dollars a day! We celebrate Douglas Adams' life, death and amazing contribution to literature by wearing our towels and reminding everyone we see that a truly hoopy frood *ALWAYS* knows where his/her towel is!
So laugh! Dance! Stick a Babel Fish in your ear, tell the Vogon Costructor Fleet to get bent and let your Infinite Improbability Drive take you to parts unknown in your everlasting quest to find the Ultimate Question to the Ultimate Answer to Life! The Universe! And Everything!
Until next time, Hitchhikers, when in doubt, just stick out your thumb!
With Fun, Adventure, and *Really* Wild Things,
I *AM* The Kyle!
Towel Day!!! Yes, that's right, it's *Towel Day!* So, all you truly hoopy froods had better know where your towel is at! :)
For those of you that aren't in the know, Towel Day is a celebration of Douglas Adams' super-cool-awesome series "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", that indispensible volume that will tell every hitchhiker how to see all the wonders of the Universe for only 30 Alterian dollars a day! We celebrate Douglas Adams' life, death and amazing contribution to literature by wearing our towels and reminding everyone we see that a truly hoopy frood *ALWAYS* knows where his/her towel is!
So laugh! Dance! Stick a Babel Fish in your ear, tell the Vogon Costructor Fleet to get bent and let your Infinite Improbability Drive take you to parts unknown in your everlasting quest to find the Ultimate Question to the Ultimate Answer to Life! The Universe! And Everything!
Until next time, Hitchhikers, when in doubt, just stick out your thumb!
With Fun, Adventure, and *Really* Wild Things,
I *AM* The Kyle!
Monday, May 25, 2015
Blog #9: My Super-Cool-Awesome Profile
"Somewhere between unconsciousness and laughter, that's my specialty."
--From a wonderful poem I once read...
HA! Victory is mine! I've finally managed to wriggle out of my Technicolour straitjacket and have successfully distracted the screws with contraband XXX nudie mags! But wait! Here's a delightful conundrum: now that I've got the opportunity to tell you all about myself, just what am I to say that will compel you to take that dizzying first step into the Great Unknown of a brand-spanking new friendship? There's so much to say--where do begin?!?!
Oh! I know!!!
Hi Freeworld peoples! *waving energetically* I am The Kyle and I'm the bestest friend you never had! "The Kyle" isn't just a name, though, it's a state of mind!
I'm that guy your Mother warned you about: a hyperactive super-cool-awesome wildcard with a wicked Cheshire grin, devastating charm and *way* more imagination, curiosity, and free time than can possibly be good for either of us! I may be barking mad, but your life is definitely going to be more interesting because of it! Come on, give in to the Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy Dance--You *know* you want to!
Are you fun and interesting or, even better, really strange? Do you giggle uncontrollably at wildly inappropriate moments, or for no reason at all? Do you desperately wish your life were like your favourite Anime? Are you crazy for all things Japanese? Do you believe the world would be a better place if more people lightened up and gave in to whimsical flights of fancy or random acts of senseless Beauty? Is there way too much blood in your caffeine system? Do you have tattoos, piercings, or body modifictions (and if so, will you show them to me?)? Do you have lots of awesome, interesting or exotic pets? Do you have a job doing something wicked cool? Are you a tortured soul expressing yourself through art, poetry, music, or photography? Do you believe in magick, Dragons or Fairies? Have you ever been abducted by aliens (or wish you had been)? Do you search for the impossible in everyday life? Do you know deep in your heart that there is more to this world, beyond sight and sound and touch? Are you a pathetically hopeless Romantic with more optimistic idealism than is probably good for you? Do you have room in your life for the madcap antics of a slightly demented, caffeine addled eccentric?
Then why the frak aren't you writing to me yet?!?!
--From a wonderful poem I once read...
HA! Victory is mine! I've finally managed to wriggle out of my Technicolour straitjacket and have successfully distracted the screws with contraband XXX nudie mags! But wait! Here's a delightful conundrum: now that I've got the opportunity to tell you all about myself, just what am I to say that will compel you to take that dizzying first step into the Great Unknown of a brand-spanking new friendship? There's so much to say--where do begin?!?!
Oh! I know!!!
Hi Freeworld peoples! *waving energetically* I am The Kyle and I'm the bestest friend you never had! "The Kyle" isn't just a name, though, it's a state of mind!
I'm that guy your Mother warned you about: a hyperactive super-cool-awesome wildcard with a wicked Cheshire grin, devastating charm and *way* more imagination, curiosity, and free time than can possibly be good for either of us! I may be barking mad, but your life is definitely going to be more interesting because of it! Come on, give in to the Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy Dance--You *know* you want to!
Are you fun and interesting or, even better, really strange? Do you giggle uncontrollably at wildly inappropriate moments, or for no reason at all? Do you desperately wish your life were like your favourite Anime? Are you crazy for all things Japanese? Do you believe the world would be a better place if more people lightened up and gave in to whimsical flights of fancy or random acts of senseless Beauty? Is there way too much blood in your caffeine system? Do you have tattoos, piercings, or body modifictions (and if so, will you show them to me?)? Do you have lots of awesome, interesting or exotic pets? Do you have a job doing something wicked cool? Are you a tortured soul expressing yourself through art, poetry, music, or photography? Do you believe in magick, Dragons or Fairies? Have you ever been abducted by aliens (or wish you had been)? Do you search for the impossible in everyday life? Do you know deep in your heart that there is more to this world, beyond sight and sound and touch? Are you a pathetically hopeless Romantic with more optimistic idealism than is probably good for you? Do you have room in your life for the madcap antics of a slightly demented, caffeine addled eccentric?
Then why the frak aren't you writing to me yet?!?!
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Blog #8: Court Update
Hey, cats and kittens and truly hoopy froods!
I just wanted to make you all aware that I am getting transferred this
week to Loudoun County Adult Detention Center to prepare for my 30th
June Evidentiary Hearing for my Habeas Corpus. If all goes well, my
conviction will be overturned and I will be granted a new trial.
The only downside to this is that I will have to leave all my property behind and will be spending my time in a single cell with nothing to do!!! I'll try to upload more Strangeness while I'm there, but my Evil Minions are dealing with certain upheavals in their lives that resulted from an...er, *misunderstanding* concerning an entirely unlikely cardiovascular muscle of precious metal, a black hole, and a certain unnamed manic depressive, paranoid android...Suffice it to say, uploading The Stangeness might be a bit trickier than usual.
Not to worry, though! I will do my best to keep you all updated as the case progresses. Meanwhile, snail mail is the only means of communication open to me, unless you want me to call Collect, in which case you'll have to send me your number! ;)
Any and all Happy Thoughts, Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy well-wishes, positive energies, and prayers to divine entities and/or supernatural intelligences for intercession in my favour are greatly appreciated.
Until next you hear from me, or I you, keep your towel close, your S.E.P. field ready, and whatever you do, DON'T PANIC!!!
The preceding message has been brought to you by Cheshire Industries, a multidimensional collective of truly hoopy froods with way too much free time on our hands; and is brought to you by a big middle finger to the Vogon Constructor Fleet, their poetry, and all intergalactic bypasses; your local Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy correspondent; Life, the Universe, and Everything; and the number 42. Thank you.
I am The Kyle and I approved this message!
Monday, 25th May--Towel Day! If you aren't wearing your towel, you are *NOT* a truly hoopy frood!!!!!
The only downside to this is that I will have to leave all my property behind and will be spending my time in a single cell with nothing to do!!! I'll try to upload more Strangeness while I'm there, but my Evil Minions are dealing with certain upheavals in their lives that resulted from an...er, *misunderstanding* concerning an entirely unlikely cardiovascular muscle of precious metal, a black hole, and a certain unnamed manic depressive, paranoid android...Suffice it to say, uploading The Stangeness might be a bit trickier than usual.
Not to worry, though! I will do my best to keep you all updated as the case progresses. Meanwhile, snail mail is the only means of communication open to me, unless you want me to call Collect, in which case you'll have to send me your number! ;)
Any and all Happy Thoughts, Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy well-wishes, positive energies, and prayers to divine entities and/or supernatural intelligences for intercession in my favour are greatly appreciated.
Until next you hear from me, or I you, keep your towel close, your S.E.P. field ready, and whatever you do, DON'T PANIC!!!
The preceding message has been brought to you by Cheshire Industries, a multidimensional collective of truly hoopy froods with way too much free time on our hands; and is brought to you by a big middle finger to the Vogon Constructor Fleet, their poetry, and all intergalactic bypasses; your local Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy correspondent; Life, the Universe, and Everything; and the number 42. Thank you.
I am The Kyle and I approved this message!
Monday, 25th May--Towel Day! If you aren't wearing your towel, you are *NOT* a truly hoopy frood!!!!!
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Blog #7: 10 Fun Facts About The Kyle!
1) Colours: Black and Red
2) Books: The Thief of Always and The Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker, the entire Hannibal Lecter saga by Thomas Harris, the Necroscope series by Brian Lumley, *ALL* of H.P. Lovecraft works, the entire Resident Evil series, and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.
3) Movies: Who Framed Roger Rabbit, The Nightmare Before Christmas (and all of Tim Burton's films), Trick or Treat, Hellraiser (and *ALL* Clive Barker - based films), What Dreams May Come, In the Mouth of Madness, Resident Evil (every single one!), Event Horizon, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, (among a *HUGE* list of martial arts films), Ultraviolet, Identity, Aeon Flux, 300, Crank, Paranormal Activity, The Secret of NIMH (an all-time favourite), and 9.
4) Animal: Cuttlefish! Underwater colour-changing alien squid! If you've ever seen one, you'e undestand. :)
5) Drink: Caffeine, mainlined!
6) Anime: Without a doubt Gurren Lagann is one of the most inspirational thing I have ever seen, but there are tons of others I adore.
7) Manga: FLCL, hands down. It is beyond explaining - *READ IT!*
8) Music: My tastes range the spectrum, include Jackie Evancho, Nightwish, Enigma, Metallica, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Iggy Azalea, Insane Clown Posse, The Crüxshadows, Arianna Grande, Lorde, Savage Garden, Kittie, Korn. Kitaro, Yo Yo Ma, and soooo many more.
9) Dream Girl: If Luis Royo ever read Brian Lumley's Necroscope series and then drew a Hentai version of Jessica Rabbit as the Lady Karen and then she came to life....oh, yeah! :)
2) Books: The Thief of Always and The Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker, the entire Hannibal Lecter saga by Thomas Harris, the Necroscope series by Brian Lumley, *ALL* of H.P. Lovecraft works, the entire Resident Evil series, and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.
3) Movies: Who Framed Roger Rabbit, The Nightmare Before Christmas (and all of Tim Burton's films), Trick or Treat, Hellraiser (and *ALL* Clive Barker - based films), What Dreams May Come, In the Mouth of Madness, Resident Evil (every single one!), Event Horizon, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, (among a *HUGE* list of martial arts films), Ultraviolet, Identity, Aeon Flux, 300, Crank, Paranormal Activity, The Secret of NIMH (an all-time favourite), and 9.
4) Animal: Cuttlefish! Underwater colour-changing alien squid! If you've ever seen one, you'e undestand. :)
5) Drink: Caffeine, mainlined!
6) Anime: Without a doubt Gurren Lagann is one of the most inspirational thing I have ever seen, but there are tons of others I adore.
7) Manga: FLCL, hands down. It is beyond explaining - *READ IT!*
8) Music: My tastes range the spectrum, include Jackie Evancho, Nightwish, Enigma, Metallica, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Iggy Azalea, Insane Clown Posse, The Crüxshadows, Arianna Grande, Lorde, Savage Garden, Kittie, Korn. Kitaro, Yo Yo Ma, and soooo many more.
9) Dream Girl: If Luis Royo ever read Brian Lumley's Necroscope series and then drew a Hentai version of Jessica Rabbit as the Lady Karen and then she came to life....oh, yeah! :)
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