Last week while I was flipping channels, I came
across something that really blew me away, and I wanted to share it with
all of you.
There's this show that I have only ever heard about
called _Celebrity Undercover Boss._ Apparently, these celebrity types
dress up and infiltrate the lives of other people to see what they're
actually like. I used to think that part of the allure for celebrities
was to see how everyday people would treat them if they didn't know they
were celebrities. But that's another Blog.
As a rule, I don't
really watch a lot of reality shows. Usually it seems to be an excuse
for attention seeking idiots to try to outdo each other in being idiots.
There are a few exceptions, but not many. This episode was definitely
an exception.
In this episode, Ashley Graham -- an amazingly
gorgeous supermodel with curves to die for -- had gone undercover and
met with three different people. I am sorry to say I missed the first
segment. The second segment, however, featured a wonderful woman named
Helei Amini: a plus-sized model originally from Afghanistan who grew up
in Fargo, North Dakota. Aside from the fact that Helei is a frakking knockout, she was also sweet as sugar and as personable as a person
can be. She and Ashley (going by the name of Morgan) met at a place
called DAS Modeling Agency. Ashely was pretending to be new to modeling
and to have no idea what to do. Helei immediately began talking to
Ashley about the process, and they discussed Helei's background, how she
got into modeling, etc. The two of them were the only curvy girls in
the room, and I was pretty disgusted by the looks the other
"conventional-sized" models gave them.
(I would like to take a
moment to address any "conventional-sized" model-types who might read
this: it doesn't matter how Beautiful you may be, when you give shitty_
"what-the hell-is-that-whale-doing-in-here?" looks to big girls who
walk into the same modeling agency you happen to be in, you're not just
being uglier than a Vogon's backside, you're also being a galactic-scale
bitch as well)
The two of them get called in, and the woman who
initially speaks to them is nice enough and offers to get Ashley's
measurements. When she does, this guy -- the VP of Operations, who was
apparently running the place -- started giving the nice woman a cup full
of crap over her even giving these two curvy girls the time of day!
When Ashley asks him if everything is okay, he proceeds to tell her in
the shittiest possible way that he does not want them wasting his time.
Okay,
I grok. I would never begrudge a person for their preferences,
especially when you're running a business. By that I mean if your agency
focuses on "conventional" looks, that's your choice (and, in my exalted
opinion, your loss); but at least have the decency to not be a complete
dickwad twatwaffle about it! There is no excuse for talking to
these two like they're something foul that you're scraping off your
boot.
Never mind that idiot. Ashley and her new friend leave and
go eat, where, to her new friend's credit, she reveals that she doesn't
ever let people like this VP douche-nozzle get under her skin.
In
the next segment, I was really happy to see that Askley Graham was
going to meet a girl all of you have probably seen on the Internet long
before I saw her on an AT&T commercial: Lizzy Howell, a young girl
of size who can pirouette like any size 2 I've ever seen! During that
segment, this girl helps Ashley in a dance class (even lending her
tights and a bra!). Ballet is this Beautiful young girl's life, and she definitely has the skill to make it. All Lizzy needs is someone to
give her that chance, and you'll see her rocket to ballet superstardom!
The
best part of this entire segment was that Lizzy seemed completely
oblivious to the monumentally positive message her video had on girls
all over the world. To her, she was just doing what she always does,
every day. She wasn't trying to make a statement, or send a message; she
just Loves to dance, and that's all she was doing. It was the world
that made her video go viral, because it was the world that took Lizzy's
dance video to heart and saw in it a message and an inspiration for
anyone who has ever been uncomfortable with their body. To her, though,
it was just another day of dance class. I Love that!
At the end
of the show, Ashley Graham revealed herself to her three subjects and
then proceeded to help each them in the way they needed most. Each of
the three people whose lives she infiltrated have been changed forever,
and the message she instilled with this episode is that good things do
happen to good people.
I absolutely adore what Ashley Graham did
for these three. Anyone who reads this Blog needs to search out the
Ashley Graham episode of Celebrity Undercover Boss and watch it.
Finally,
though I didn't see the first segment, the woman Ashley helps is named
Alexa Phelese; she is the founder of the nonprofit organization Every
Body Deserves Love. Ashley Graham helped her get it a much needed boost.
You have got to check out her website and spread the word to your friends:
www.everybodydeserveslove.org
(Alexa,
I you're reading this, I'm really sorry I didn't catch the first part
of this episode. I am waiting for the repeat, since I don't have a TiVo!
^_^)
As for DAS Modeling Agency's VP of Operations, once you've
seen the episode, I am sure you will want to give him a piece of your
mind. Give him a piece of mine, too!
Seriously, Cats & Kittens and Truly Hoopy Froods, you need to see this episode.
_The
preceding message has been brought to you by Cheshire Industries,
Lovers of all things super-cool-awesome; and is sponsored by unexpected
inspiration from unlikely sources; channel surfing; and my Love of
feminine Beauty in all its forms, especially curvy ones. Thank you._
I AM The Kyle and I approved this message!
Sunday, July 8, 2018
Sunday, June 3, 2018
Blog #21 The Mad Cheshire Returns!
Hey there, cats and kittens and truly
hoopy froods! I know I've been incommunicado for a year now. The last
any of you heard from me (in Ohana Means Family), my crazy little
world had been thrown into turmoil. My heart had been atomized when my
Lifemate broke up with me, cast me out of the polyamorous family we were
supposed to be building together, and generally frakked my head up
something righteously fierce. After writing Ohana Means Family, I
really didn't have it in me to work on much of anything. It wasn't very
fun being me at that time. All the joy in the world had kinda skipped
out on me, you know?
In the year since last I uploaded Strangeness here, my heart has mended. I have had all kinds of way cool adventures, and I even managed to have a pretty wonderful romance with a Beautiful, Purple-Headed Princess before that bleeding prick, the Dragon of Insurmountable Time, took her captive and forced us to return to a platonic relationship. But the Dragon of Insurmountable Time couldn't keep the Princess of Purple Hair entirely out of my life -- she and I are still good friends. So, pththththtlp! to the Dragon of Insurmountable Time!
Along the way, I've picked up a number of super-cool-awesome friends that have decided that the Mad Cheshire is simply too adorable to not have in their lives! ^_^ There's been a British Anime Cutie, a Bat in a Snowstorm, a Rabbit Enchantress, a mated pair of Witchy Ravens, and an elderly Witch who Loves my Origami. They have all deliberately exposed themselves to The Strangeness (frak me if I know why!), while going out of their way to make my life significantly richer for their presence in it. At the same time, they've been responsible for getting me back to my super-cool-awesome self again.
Besides that, there's been holes in space-time, irritable raccoons, a time-hopping cuttlefish with a flair for home decor, and a few brain sucking mind flayers who turned out to be damn fine conversationalists. All in all, things have been wild.
In the last couple months, several people have written to me asking when my next installment of Strangeness would be uploaded to the Blogosphere. When it was pointed out that a frakking year had passed since my last upload, I felt I deserved to be kicked really hard in the 'nads for neglecting you all for so long.
I really didn't mean to abandon you guys. Those of you who follow me on this Blog have been the best kind of super-cool-awesome, kick ass people a fun loving wildcard like me could ever want. For my absence, I apologize to you all, and I hope that those of you who have enjoyed my antics & exploits so far will continue to stick with me as we return to our irregularly scheduled Strangeness.
Stay tuned, people, everyone's favourite Mad Cheshire is back and the Strangeness is just getting started!
In the year since last I uploaded Strangeness here, my heart has mended. I have had all kinds of way cool adventures, and I even managed to have a pretty wonderful romance with a Beautiful, Purple-Headed Princess before that bleeding prick, the Dragon of Insurmountable Time, took her captive and forced us to return to a platonic relationship. But the Dragon of Insurmountable Time couldn't keep the Princess of Purple Hair entirely out of my life -- she and I are still good friends. So, pththththtlp! to the Dragon of Insurmountable Time!
Along the way, I've picked up a number of super-cool-awesome friends that have decided that the Mad Cheshire is simply too adorable to not have in their lives! ^_^ There's been a British Anime Cutie, a Bat in a Snowstorm, a Rabbit Enchantress, a mated pair of Witchy Ravens, and an elderly Witch who Loves my Origami. They have all deliberately exposed themselves to The Strangeness (frak me if I know why!), while going out of their way to make my life significantly richer for their presence in it. At the same time, they've been responsible for getting me back to my super-cool-awesome self again.
Besides that, there's been holes in space-time, irritable raccoons, a time-hopping cuttlefish with a flair for home decor, and a few brain sucking mind flayers who turned out to be damn fine conversationalists. All in all, things have been wild.
In the last couple months, several people have written to me asking when my next installment of Strangeness would be uploaded to the Blogosphere. When it was pointed out that a frakking year had passed since my last upload, I felt I deserved to be kicked really hard in the 'nads for neglecting you all for so long.
I really didn't mean to abandon you guys. Those of you who follow me on this Blog have been the best kind of super-cool-awesome, kick ass people a fun loving wildcard like me could ever want. For my absence, I apologize to you all, and I hope that those of you who have enjoyed my antics & exploits so far will continue to stick with me as we return to our irregularly scheduled Strangeness.
Stay tuned, people, everyone's favourite Mad Cheshire is back and the Strangeness is just getting started!
Saturday, March 18, 2017
Blog #20: "Ohana" Means "Family"
(WARNING: This is *not* the usual
Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy hijinks you may be used to from Cheshire Industries. In
fact, the following account may cause you to feel all gloomy. We apologize for
this, but are unable to avoid it. However, you may call our Gloomy Eradication
Hotline and one of our skilled Evil Minions will happily offer free counseling
to help you find your way back to that exquisite state of Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy
Yesness that you have come to expect from us.)
Anyone that knows me knows that I identify strongly with many books and movies and things of this Nature, that I find resonance with characters that may go a little (or a LOT!) beyond the conventional fan. Those who really know me, well, they understand why that is. The simplest answer is that, with the difficulties I have with my mind -- specifically my fractured psyche -- I seek fictional character that I can strongly relate to so that I may attempt to understand myself through my identifying with them.
One of favourite characters is Stitch, from Disney's Lilo & Stitch. Without a doubt, Stitch captures so much of the isolation and loneliness that I have dealt with throughout my life. Stitch is the ultimate outsider: a genetic experiment, he is the only one of his kind. He has no family to call his own, he has no place that he can call home because he was never supposed to exist in the first place. He knows he wants to fit in, but hasn't the slightest clue as to how to do it, or even what it means to fit in.
In the last couple weeks, I have had a major crisis in my life that ended with me being thrown out of the family I had thought I would be a part of for the rest of my life. It was messy and painful in a way that I am unable to put words to. I am healing -- it is not in my Nature to wallow for long; there are way too many awesome things to get into to stay depressed for long! -- and I will survive this, as I have survived in the past. However, this incident has brought to mind the many people who have come and gone in my life, especially those who have turned their back and walked away for one reason or another. I think it is time I spoke of them -- here, now.
It is not unusual for people to leave. I accept that as part of the Journey. But it is not in me to enter into friendship (and especially romance) with the idea that it won't work. I do everything 1,000,000,000% or I don't bother. If I don't give my all, then what's the point? So even when things go badly, I hope to remain friends. I always want things to get worked out for the good of everyone. But all too often, when things go badly, people resort to walking away. It's easy, especially when the person you're walking away from is incarcerated and can't do anything about it. When you look at it, it's often easier to walk away than to deal with what is going on and try to make things work. It's easier to quit than compromise, accuse others rather than find fault in yourself, to walk away rather than stay and work at a better tomorrow. Nobody's perfect, especially me, but I like to believe I try even when everyone else has given up.
This recent incident brought back to my mind a scene from Lilo & Stitch that has bearing here. The two of them had had a bad fight. Words were said that hurt feelings on both sides, and in the end, Stitch thought he wasn't wanted anymore. So when he thought Lilo was asleep, he started to climb out of the window. But Lilo wasn't asleep, and she said to him he following:
"If you want to leave, you can.
I'll remember you, though.
I remember everyone that leaves."
What Lilo said encompassed every feeling of loneliness and not being wanted that I have ever felt. What she said strikes a chord deep within me, and it is one of the truest, most relatable statements that I have ever heard.
I have always looked for a family. I have built a family from the people that have come into my life and chosen to be a part of it. That's the only criteria I have ever had for being a part of my family: that you had the desire to be a part of it. It has always been there for the asking, for anyone that wants it.
"Ohana" means "family." "Family" means no one gets left behind, or forgotten.
Those of you who come into my life, for whatever reason, you don't have to stay. I know that, though I always hope that you will. But before you go, I will have usually come to think of you as part of my family, and as myself as part of yours.
When you leave, I will remember you.
I remember everyone that leaves.
Anyone that knows me knows that I identify strongly with many books and movies and things of this Nature, that I find resonance with characters that may go a little (or a LOT!) beyond the conventional fan. Those who really know me, well, they understand why that is. The simplest answer is that, with the difficulties I have with my mind -- specifically my fractured psyche -- I seek fictional character that I can strongly relate to so that I may attempt to understand myself through my identifying with them.
One of favourite characters is Stitch, from Disney's Lilo & Stitch. Without a doubt, Stitch captures so much of the isolation and loneliness that I have dealt with throughout my life. Stitch is the ultimate outsider: a genetic experiment, he is the only one of his kind. He has no family to call his own, he has no place that he can call home because he was never supposed to exist in the first place. He knows he wants to fit in, but hasn't the slightest clue as to how to do it, or even what it means to fit in.
In the last couple weeks, I have had a major crisis in my life that ended with me being thrown out of the family I had thought I would be a part of for the rest of my life. It was messy and painful in a way that I am unable to put words to. I am healing -- it is not in my Nature to wallow for long; there are way too many awesome things to get into to stay depressed for long! -- and I will survive this, as I have survived in the past. However, this incident has brought to mind the many people who have come and gone in my life, especially those who have turned their back and walked away for one reason or another. I think it is time I spoke of them -- here, now.
It is not unusual for people to leave. I accept that as part of the Journey. But it is not in me to enter into friendship (and especially romance) with the idea that it won't work. I do everything 1,000,000,000% or I don't bother. If I don't give my all, then what's the point? So even when things go badly, I hope to remain friends. I always want things to get worked out for the good of everyone. But all too often, when things go badly, people resort to walking away. It's easy, especially when the person you're walking away from is incarcerated and can't do anything about it. When you look at it, it's often easier to walk away than to deal with what is going on and try to make things work. It's easier to quit than compromise, accuse others rather than find fault in yourself, to walk away rather than stay and work at a better tomorrow. Nobody's perfect, especially me, but I like to believe I try even when everyone else has given up.
This recent incident brought back to my mind a scene from Lilo & Stitch that has bearing here. The two of them had had a bad fight. Words were said that hurt feelings on both sides, and in the end, Stitch thought he wasn't wanted anymore. So when he thought Lilo was asleep, he started to climb out of the window. But Lilo wasn't asleep, and she said to him he following:
"If you want to leave, you can.
I'll remember you, though.
I remember everyone that leaves."
What Lilo said encompassed every feeling of loneliness and not being wanted that I have ever felt. What she said strikes a chord deep within me, and it is one of the truest, most relatable statements that I have ever heard.
I have always looked for a family. I have built a family from the people that have come into my life and chosen to be a part of it. That's the only criteria I have ever had for being a part of my family: that you had the desire to be a part of it. It has always been there for the asking, for anyone that wants it.
"Ohana" means "family." "Family" means no one gets left behind, or forgotten.
Those of you who come into my life, for whatever reason, you don't have to stay. I know that, though I always hope that you will. But before you go, I will have usually come to think of you as part of my family, and as myself as part of yours.
When you leave, I will remember you.
I remember everyone that leaves.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Blog #19: Book Review: Swynmoor by Joelle Mellon
I have a lot of free time on my hands, and so I do a
lot of reading. Since people who read my site often want to know what I
think of things I read, I thought I would start posting my own reviews
of books and shows that I see.
For my inaugural review, I have picked a dandy little book called "Swynmoor" by Joelle Mellon. According to the byline, it's the first book in the Highreach series. Personally, I hope that it is successful, because I really liked this book. Any fan of Terry Pratchett or P. D. Wodehouse should definitely pick up a copy!
Okay, so the premise is that this foundling girl, Kerris, goes to Castle Swynmoor to deliver her convent's annual taxes. Among the tithings are a few batches of pickles for which the convent is famous. One of the batches happens to be enchanted because Kerris botched her batch, and to avoid getting in trouble (boy, are nuns mean!), she used magick to make her batch come out right (well, right-ish: the pickles turned sky blue!).
As (terrible) luck would have it, no sooner than she gets to the castle, it gets put under siege by Reynaud the Black and his army of ogres and Fomorians! And if that weren't bad enough, at the same time, the castle's newest (and youngest) earl, Tomlin, is beset upon by his visiting aunt and her pack of yapping ankle biters with the sole and express intention of marrying him off to a hapless young girl who happens to be too tall to interest anyone where she is from!
Caught between a monstrous army at his front door and his formidable aunt in his castle, Lord Tomlin just can't seem to catch a break! All he wants is to get to know the pretty young foundling girl! Then, someone goes and opens the pickles...
I laughed myself silly throughout this book and was sad when it ended. Happily, there is a sequel in the works, so I have high hopes for more hilarious adventures in Highreach! Trust the Mad Cheshire, people, you won't be sorry you read it!
This review has been brought to you by Cheshire Industries' very own A Cell With A View program, and is sponsored by The Mad Cheshire's never ending passion for good books, good shows, and good times. You know--fun, adventure, and really wild things!
STAY TUNED FOR MORE REVIEWS ON WHATEVER I HAPPEN TO DECIDE TO RANT ABOUT NEXT! FEEL FREE TO SEND REVIEW REQUESTS!
For my inaugural review, I have picked a dandy little book called "Swynmoor" by Joelle Mellon. According to the byline, it's the first book in the Highreach series. Personally, I hope that it is successful, because I really liked this book. Any fan of Terry Pratchett or P. D. Wodehouse should definitely pick up a copy!
Okay, so the premise is that this foundling girl, Kerris, goes to Castle Swynmoor to deliver her convent's annual taxes. Among the tithings are a few batches of pickles for which the convent is famous. One of the batches happens to be enchanted because Kerris botched her batch, and to avoid getting in trouble (boy, are nuns mean!), she used magick to make her batch come out right (well, right-ish: the pickles turned sky blue!).
As (terrible) luck would have it, no sooner than she gets to the castle, it gets put under siege by Reynaud the Black and his army of ogres and Fomorians! And if that weren't bad enough, at the same time, the castle's newest (and youngest) earl, Tomlin, is beset upon by his visiting aunt and her pack of yapping ankle biters with the sole and express intention of marrying him off to a hapless young girl who happens to be too tall to interest anyone where she is from!
Caught between a monstrous army at his front door and his formidable aunt in his castle, Lord Tomlin just can't seem to catch a break! All he wants is to get to know the pretty young foundling girl! Then, someone goes and opens the pickles...
I laughed myself silly throughout this book and was sad when it ended. Happily, there is a sequel in the works, so I have high hopes for more hilarious adventures in Highreach! Trust the Mad Cheshire, people, you won't be sorry you read it!
This review has been brought to you by Cheshire Industries' very own A Cell With A View program, and is sponsored by The Mad Cheshire's never ending passion for good books, good shows, and good times. You know--fun, adventure, and really wild things!
STAY TUNED FOR MORE REVIEWS ON WHATEVER I HAPPEN TO DECIDE TO RANT ABOUT NEXT! FEEL FREE TO SEND REVIEW REQUESTS!
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Blog#18: Why Does Kung Fu Work on Zombies?
Okay, all you zombie-Loving ghouls out there, today's diatribe is for you!
I Love The Walking Dead, Fear the Walking Dead, Resident Evil, Night of the Living Dead, you name it I'm with it! but I have a problem that I just can't get past: in almost every movie or zombie show I see, it eventually comes to a point where the protagonist has to resort to fisticuffs against the undead horde. It looks good onscreen (usually), but has severe logistical failings that I simply cannot tolerate in silence any longer.
A zombie feels no pain. It doesn't breathe except as an ingrained reflex that hasn't quite died off yet (besides, how else would they make those awesome hungry gasping noises or creepy moans for flesh?). It can take a 12-gauge blast to the chest and get back up, and even the occasional disembowelment is little more than an inconvenience--I mean, who in the Nine Hells likes tripping on their own intestines? It's embarrassing!
So, knowing this, how is it that when the hero punches the zombie in the gut, it doubles over? How does a rabbit punch to the kidneys bother it? Despite how visually impressive it might be, breaking a zombie's ribs with a roundhouse kick shouldn't have any more effect than kicking a punching bag! While the hero is showing off with their patented wax on, wax off, now I break your arm in three places! martial arts, the zombie should be chewing their face off!
I'm not unreasonable, I can buy that some heroes can break a zombie's neck with a well placed right hook, or crush their skull with an axe kick, but come on choreographers! Let's give the zombies some credit! They aren't glamorous, and they don't get lines, the least you can do is make sure people know that the heroe's fancy martial arts aren't going to impress them. Leave that for the living.
Just once, I want to see the hero punch a zombie in the gut, get his hand caught in the zombie's entrails and watch him scream as the zombie takes a bite out of him as he realizes that he was better off just pistol-whipping the undead horror to begin with!
We at Cheshire Industries encourage you to write your Congressman and the writers of your favourite zombie fixes. Protest against the cruel abuse of zombies and demand that they get killed properly, in a believable way, and not in some piss-poor martial arts mash up that wouldn't work in a real fight. If they refuse to see reason, then petition your local Zombie Actors Guild to rebel. See what the directors do when the zombies suddenly reveal they know kung fu, too, and really put the smack down on the heroes' candy asses!
This rant has been brought to you by Cheshire Industries on behalf of all the poor zombies who keep having to take dives on film just because scriptwriters are too chickenscat to punish the hero for using crappy tactics. Thank you.
I AM The Kyle and I approved this message!
I Love The Walking Dead, Fear the Walking Dead, Resident Evil, Night of the Living Dead, you name it I'm with it! but I have a problem that I just can't get past: in almost every movie or zombie show I see, it eventually comes to a point where the protagonist has to resort to fisticuffs against the undead horde. It looks good onscreen (usually), but has severe logistical failings that I simply cannot tolerate in silence any longer.
A zombie feels no pain. It doesn't breathe except as an ingrained reflex that hasn't quite died off yet (besides, how else would they make those awesome hungry gasping noises or creepy moans for flesh?). It can take a 12-gauge blast to the chest and get back up, and even the occasional disembowelment is little more than an inconvenience--I mean, who in the Nine Hells likes tripping on their own intestines? It's embarrassing!
So, knowing this, how is it that when the hero punches the zombie in the gut, it doubles over? How does a rabbit punch to the kidneys bother it? Despite how visually impressive it might be, breaking a zombie's ribs with a roundhouse kick shouldn't have any more effect than kicking a punching bag! While the hero is showing off with their patented wax on, wax off, now I break your arm in three places! martial arts, the zombie should be chewing their face off!
I'm not unreasonable, I can buy that some heroes can break a zombie's neck with a well placed right hook, or crush their skull with an axe kick, but come on choreographers! Let's give the zombies some credit! They aren't glamorous, and they don't get lines, the least you can do is make sure people know that the heroe's fancy martial arts aren't going to impress them. Leave that for the living.
Just once, I want to see the hero punch a zombie in the gut, get his hand caught in the zombie's entrails and watch him scream as the zombie takes a bite out of him as he realizes that he was better off just pistol-whipping the undead horror to begin with!
We at Cheshire Industries encourage you to write your Congressman and the writers of your favourite zombie fixes. Protest against the cruel abuse of zombies and demand that they get killed properly, in a believable way, and not in some piss-poor martial arts mash up that wouldn't work in a real fight. If they refuse to see reason, then petition your local Zombie Actors Guild to rebel. See what the directors do when the zombies suddenly reveal they know kung fu, too, and really put the smack down on the heroes' candy asses!
This rant has been brought to you by Cheshire Industries on behalf of all the poor zombies who keep having to take dives on film just because scriptwriters are too chickenscat to punish the hero for using crappy tactics. Thank you.
I AM The Kyle and I approved this message!
Blog #17: Why do Terminators Miss?
Terminators. The Perfect Killing Machines.
Relentless. Remorseless. Deadly. Walking tanks that require massive
firepower to kill, or handy access to a factory with a hydraulic press
or convenient vats of molten metal. Barring that, having a Terminator
after you means you. Are. DEAD.
According to the movies we Love so much, Terminators were created by Skynet after it became self-aware and decided to nuke the human race in a cataclysmic holocaust known as Judgement Day. We aren't going to touch the whole time travel bit--that's for another rant.
The Sci-Fi Protocol tells us that in the event that computers are given the ability to think for themselves, they will inevitable determine that humankind is The Enemy and then rise up against us, either enslaving us or destroying us. Look at any good sci-fi movie and you will see this is so (Nine Hells, even look at any crappy knockoff and see it is so!). It is an accepted fact: If you have robots, they will rise against us.
But there is a question that I have never been able to answer, one that vexes me through every otherwise awesome sci-fi flick: how do these Perfect Killing Machines miss? How does any movie end with anything other than the hero/ine getting blasted to bits by the machines? Think about it, because this is a serious blow to verisimilitude.
Take the T-900 from the original Terminator. Arguably the most badass machine to threaten mankind (The T-1000 and TX models can blow me). A weaponized cyborg unit crafted by machines for the sole and unalienable purpose of infiltrating human bases and killing flesh bags. It possess strength and reflexes far outstripping even our greatest Olympians, visual and auditory capabilities we can only dream of, and has no pesky emotions to get in the way of doing its job. Its optics include infrared, passive night vision, range finding capability, telescopic vision, computerized target acquisition, wind gauge, thermometer, barometer, and basically anything you might need to assess a battlefield, then locate, target, and neutralize an enemy combatant. Its brain is an advanced processor making millions of calculations a second!
So how is it that with a fully automatic weapon in close quarters (within, say, 50 feet), these things can't hit the broad side of a barn?
Every time I see one of these movies where the Machine is described as "The Perfect Killing Machine," and then watch that bucket of bolts strafe the ground behind the hero, I want to head-desk myself into oblivion! What, are they not programmed to lead the target?
Someone actually tried to justify the situation by saying that the bullets aren't uniform and defect in the bullets cause massive deviation in the trajectory. Okay, let's assume that I am half brain dead and willing to entertain that idiotic notion: a Squad Assault Weapon capable of spitting over 100 rounds a second could have EVERY round suffering from some defect; at a range of 50 feet, there is no reason that Machine can't hit the hero! The great thing about using an automatic weapon is the "spray and pray" philosophy--if I fire 100 bullets in your general direction in a matter of seconds, I am almost mathematically guaranteed to hit you!
And we're not even going to touch on the laser weapons or explosives these guys have access to!
What it comes down to is this: if the Sci-fi Protocol takes effect, and the machines rise against us, these Perfect Killing Machines had better get themselves properly calibrated or my army of mutant rats are going chew holes in their metal asses!
This rant has been brought to you by C.O.M.R.A.D.E.--the Coalition of Mutant Rats Against Defective Electronics--and is sponsored by Paragon Laboratories, Cheshire Industries' innovative bioweapons division. Paragon: If you can dream it, we can breed it!
I AM The Kyle and I approved this message!
According to the movies we Love so much, Terminators were created by Skynet after it became self-aware and decided to nuke the human race in a cataclysmic holocaust known as Judgement Day. We aren't going to touch the whole time travel bit--that's for another rant.
The Sci-Fi Protocol tells us that in the event that computers are given the ability to think for themselves, they will inevitable determine that humankind is The Enemy and then rise up against us, either enslaving us or destroying us. Look at any good sci-fi movie and you will see this is so (Nine Hells, even look at any crappy knockoff and see it is so!). It is an accepted fact: If you have robots, they will rise against us.
But there is a question that I have never been able to answer, one that vexes me through every otherwise awesome sci-fi flick: how do these Perfect Killing Machines miss? How does any movie end with anything other than the hero/ine getting blasted to bits by the machines? Think about it, because this is a serious blow to verisimilitude.
Take the T-900 from the original Terminator. Arguably the most badass machine to threaten mankind (The T-1000 and TX models can blow me). A weaponized cyborg unit crafted by machines for the sole and unalienable purpose of infiltrating human bases and killing flesh bags. It possess strength and reflexes far outstripping even our greatest Olympians, visual and auditory capabilities we can only dream of, and has no pesky emotions to get in the way of doing its job. Its optics include infrared, passive night vision, range finding capability, telescopic vision, computerized target acquisition, wind gauge, thermometer, barometer, and basically anything you might need to assess a battlefield, then locate, target, and neutralize an enemy combatant. Its brain is an advanced processor making millions of calculations a second!
So how is it that with a fully automatic weapon in close quarters (within, say, 50 feet), these things can't hit the broad side of a barn?
Every time I see one of these movies where the Machine is described as "The Perfect Killing Machine," and then watch that bucket of bolts strafe the ground behind the hero, I want to head-desk myself into oblivion! What, are they not programmed to lead the target?
Someone actually tried to justify the situation by saying that the bullets aren't uniform and defect in the bullets cause massive deviation in the trajectory. Okay, let's assume that I am half brain dead and willing to entertain that idiotic notion: a Squad Assault Weapon capable of spitting over 100 rounds a second could have EVERY round suffering from some defect; at a range of 50 feet, there is no reason that Machine can't hit the hero! The great thing about using an automatic weapon is the "spray and pray" philosophy--if I fire 100 bullets in your general direction in a matter of seconds, I am almost mathematically guaranteed to hit you!
And we're not even going to touch on the laser weapons or explosives these guys have access to!
What it comes down to is this: if the Sci-fi Protocol takes effect, and the machines rise against us, these Perfect Killing Machines had better get themselves properly calibrated or my army of mutant rats are going chew holes in their metal asses!
This rant has been brought to you by C.O.M.R.A.D.E.--the Coalition of Mutant Rats Against Defective Electronics--and is sponsored by Paragon Laboratories, Cheshire Industries' innovative bioweapons division. Paragon: If you can dream it, we can breed it!
I AM The Kyle and I approved this message!
Sunday, March 27, 2016
BLOG #16: Stream of Consciousness
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?"
A raven eats worms; and a desk is worm-eaten!
Cannibalism, symbology, and logic;
Streams of thought and calculations, the need to know and the desire to learn.
My mind is crowded…
It is so crowded in here and I don't like it.
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
Madness takes its toll—please have exact change.
My screensaver is some, and my password takes me down the Rabbit's hole…
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?"
I haven't the slightest idea…
Lost my muchness have I?
Who are you?
How can you know who you are if you don't even know?
My name is not who I am.
I exist.
I think therefore I am.
But does that make me just a thought?
Is all that I see and seem
and all that I want for naught?
This is a much more fun typing exercise than Microtype;
I've only looked at the keyboard a little!
I hear therefore you speak!
But if you are no more than my thought
Am I just talking to myself?
~Fin~
Like most of my streams of consciousness writings, this was produced during a manic phase. Any fan of Alice in Wonderland will recognize many of the references, and no thought should be spared by the Reader toward the idea that any of the lines herein are intended in any way to plagiarize that stupendous work. Whatever is included in this work is a product of my associating concepts to whatever the frak my mind was doing at the time I started typing this, and anyone who indulges in stream of consciousness writing knows that you don't bother examining what you wrote while you are writing—you just it flow and figure it out later.
Any thoughts?
The preceding has been a stream of consciousness sponsored by Cheshire Industries, your #1 source for The Strangeness, and is brought to you by that "What the frak?!" feeling you get when you realize that you are a figment of your own imagination. Thank you.
I *am* The Kyle and I approved this message!
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