Blog #2: Operation: Cheesegrater (or, My Mutant Rat Mess)

You would think that breeding genetically enhanced mutant rats for your army in pursuit of your goal of world domination is a splendid idea.
Yeah...not.
Not too long ago, I had a rather nice lab set up in Waverly, Virginia, and I began my mutant rat breeding program (codenamed Operation: Cheesegrater) with high hopes. The first batch of specimens proved promising - strong, smarter than your average rodent, and able to chew through titanium like melted cheese. They didn't know ninjitsu and so weren't as super-cool-awesome as Master Splinter, bu still - I was happy. Thus, I launched a massive production of the same genetic batch and soon had over 2,000 voracious little soldiers ready to do my bidding.
The best part was they worked for cheese!
Two weeks later, disaster struck; I was preparing to execute an exploratory raid on a nearby town when I discovered that the furry bastards had all under went an accelerated kind of adolescence overnight. I could have lived a thousand years and died happily without having ever seen my army of mutant rats frakking like tweaked-out jack rabbits!
(Thank God that I had the foresight to cross their genetic wires and make them all sterile! I can't imagine how I would have dealt with a horde of terminally horny rats swarming my compound and humping everything in sight!)
In hindsight, it probably wasn't the brightest idea to weed them on that experimental methamphetamine-adrenaline compound. It's not that they were breeding so uncontrollably that was the problem, it was that they kept at it until their hearts exploded! Do you have any idea what kind of mess all those ruptured rat rib cages make?!
Thankfully, shortly after I was forced to evacuate, those rats whose hearts proved sturdier than the rest either starved to death or died of dehydration.
For all you aspiring Mad Scientists out there who dream of breeding your own unstoppable army of mutant rats to aid you in your quest for world domination, take my advice: breed eunuchs!
I am The Kyle and I approved this message!