I have a wonderful friend in the UK named Aliki. She is a one-of-a-kind, Anime-obsessed, cute-to-boot Gothy chick that this Mad Cheshire is lucky to have in his life. She has a cat named Psipsini Arkoudaki (A pretty Greek name that roughly translates to "Little Kitten Teddy Bear"), or Psipsi for short.
(For those of you not proficient in Greek, the phonetic pronunciation is "Sigh-sigh-nee Ark-oh-dak-ee". Yay linguistics!)
Like many people obsessed with all things cutsie who also happen to have a cat in their life, Aliki has a bad habit of utterly humiliating Psipsi by dressing him up, taking pictures, and then posting them to her friends. After sending me a few of these, it was clear that Psipsi's dignity had been obliterated. I mean, how's a cat to feel when his human places a mouse on his head and takes a picture?! Or buries him in Origami cranes? Or balances little stuffed animals on him when he's sleeping?
I wrote to Aliki appealing to her sense of compassion on Psipsi's behalf for his dignity. I told her I was prepared to launch #SavePsipsisDignity if that's what it took. I pointed out that the look in Psipsi's eyes was the soulless look an animal gets when it dies inside, which turns to tragedy for their human when, say, that animal decides to smother their human in their sleep. Or dart between their feet when they're at the top of a steep flight of stairs precariously balancing heavy packages.
To Aliki's credit, she saw the soulless look in Psipsi's eyes and relented. For two solid weeks, she resisted her need to cutsiefy her cat. She treated him with the dignity and respect his breed demands, and in all ways behaved as if the thought of humiliating her cat had never crossed her pretty pink head.
Psipsi, true to his cat nature, absolutely hated this new, dignified treatment of his person, and showed his displeasure when Aliki was preparing for an overnight trip to see her relatives. He sauntered into her room, climbed into her open suitcase on the bed, and, without taking his dead, soulless eyes from Aliki's, proceeded to take a long smelly and entirely deliberate piss right in her suitcase!
Psipsi has been housetrained since he was a kitten, and had never behaved in this fashion before. The only plausible explanation for his behaviour was simple, spiteful revenge.
Cats, huh?
As a result of this, Aliki returned to her previous ways with Psipsi and gone to new heights of humiliating him and savaging his dignity in the name of all things cute.
What has been learned here is that cats, those Beloved contrary furballs, may look miserable when their humans dress them up, and may disdain the way their humans capture their follies on camera for internet ratings, but in truth, they are cats and as such adore every moment of attention they receive. Truly, as has been demonstrated by Psipsi, they demand this attention, and woe be upon the foolish human who thinks to deprive them of their due fame. Like many humans, cats are whores for attention; their dignity is a paltry price to pay for the chance to be seen by the world in all their cat-glory.
And true to their cat nature, they'll never show the slightest appreciation to you for it, or let on in the slightest how much they adore the ooohs! and awwws! their humiliation inspires.
They are cats after all, and they have appearances to maintain.
The preceding message has been brought to you by Cheshire Industries and is sponsored by The Kisses For Hisses Initiative; a daft, soulless furball named Psipsini Arkoudaki; the pretty, cute-to-boot human who Loves him, and the number 9. Thank you.
I AM The Kyle and I approved this message!
No comments:
Post a Comment