As I'm sure any of you familiar with my
situation can appreciate, there are a number of rules imposed by my
prison facility regarding what can and cannot be sent to me via the
mail. Not all of it makes sense, and many of them strike me as arbitrary
beauracratic buffoonery imposed for no other reason than it amuses the
screws to do so. But, since they are both Gatekeepers and Keyholders,
and they are empowered to complicate my life if the whim so happens to
occur to them, I've decided to be all kinds of helpful to all of you
super-cool-awesome people by posting these, what I refer to as
BASS-AKWARD PRISON RULES BY BASS-AKWARD NUMBSKULLS! ;)
1)
You can send me as much mail as you'd like (and I *promise* I won't
complain either! ;)). However, any envelopes I receive must weigh no
more than 1 ounce. That's the weight a single First Class stamp will
carry. If you want to send longer letters (which would make you a
singularly awesome kind of mega-cool person if you did), you just have
to split your sendings into multiple one ounce envelopes (to be
extra-specially helpful, an ounce is typically 10 sheets of notebook
paper, or 5 sheets of typing paper. A 4X6 photo is about the weight of 2
sheets of notebook paper or 1 sheet of typing paper). If you do send
multiple envelopes at once, please number them so that I know that I've
received everything (for example, #1/3, #2/3, #3/3, etc.).
2)
Likewise, there is no limit to how many photos you can send me.
However, you can only send a maximum of 5 photos per envelope. In other
words, you could conceivably send me 20 envelopes, each containing 5
photos apiece, and I'll be allowed to receive them all, but the Mailroom
personnel will have a freakin' coronary if you dare send a
single envelope with 6 photos in it! Heh heh heh...
You do have
the option of printing photos on paper if you'd like. There is no limit
to the number of pictures you print on each piece of paper, so long as
you don't violate the one ounce rule described in #1 above. In addition,
please take note of the following (stupid!) restrictions:
a. Nude and/or semi-nude photos, as well as photos of you in lingerie or
swimwear, are not allowed (although I'm flattered that you'd want me to
see them! >;)).
b. You cannot send pictures of
drugs of any kind (apparently, the screws are concerned that I'd catch a
contact high from the pictures. Either that, or they're more convinced
of my prowess with sympathetic magick than they're admitting to!).
c. No gang symbols (so, to all my gangzta thugz, chill on throwin' up the set, yo!)
d. No pictures of prison facilities (including blueprints and underground getaway routes!)
3)
If you wish to make donations, you cannot send cash, checks,
money orders, or postage stamps. You can wire money to my Inmate Trust
Account via JPay.com, but also be sure to check out Blog #13: Donations
and Other Kinds of Awesomeness for more information.
4)
For those of you communicating with me through emails, there is no
limit to their length, or on the number of photos that you send to me.
However, the content prohibitions listed in #2 still apply.
5)
Finally, and most importantly, if you are looking for a friend, you've
got one. How you define "friend" is up to you, but generally speaking, I
avoid placing limitations or constraints on my interactions with the
peope in my life. No matter what, you will receive from me abject,
unadulterated honesty, and I'm not a monster. If you simply must find a
label for me, "friend " has a pretty nice ring to it, don't you think?
Hoping to hear from you soon!
Laughing at the Moon, I remain,
The Kyle!!!
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